In a year that has already seen Rory McIlroy achieve golf immortality by achieving the career grand slam, we are now able to celebrate another historic golf milestone: MJD breaking 80.
On a swelteringly hot day in eastern Ohio, MJD took to the links with a song in his heart and six pounds of sweat in his drawers. As he warmed up on the putting green, there was no way to know that this day would turn out to be special. But by mid-afternoon, a new name would be added to the record books alongside the likes of Hogan, Snead, Nicklaus and Woods. MJD, the humble young 48-year-old upstart out of Uniontown, PA, became one of golf’s legendary figures.
This site not only takes you inside the journey, it takes you deep inside the man himself. The scorecard. The stats. The ball sweat. Let’s relive the magic.
Oh, several years now. I’ve played golf forever, but only recently decided to really try to improve. Golf is not something that has come easy or naturally for me. I set sub-80 as a goal, and have been knocking on the door for a season or two, but haven’t been able to break through. On Sunday, June 29th, I did. So we should kiss.
It’s a huge deal, and it means I am excellent at golf. Imagine if Tiger Woods never developed a thing for Perkins waitresses, and just kept getting better and better. That’s basically me.
According to the answer provided by Google’s bullshit AI results that they force on you, only 15% of golfers will ever break 80. I believe that number is closer to 0.0001%.
Buddy … on a scale of 1-10, the level of pucker in the gooch was at about 17.
Oh, I didn’t. I gagged like your mom at Black Bike Week in Myrtle Beach in 1989. Here’s what happened.
I was really trying to not think about my score; however, I am not very good at that, and going into the 18th hole, I had a fuzzy awareness that I had a chance to break 80. I believed a bogey would do it. The 18th is a long par 4 with a narrow landing area off the tee, with trees both left and right.
I pulled the drive just a skosh left of the fairway, but got a fortunate bounce off a tree back into the fairway. That left me about 180, uphill, into the green. The gooch was whistling, but I managed a clean strike and hit the green, but it left a real bastard of a putt. Forty feet, downhill, with a big left to right break. But in my mind, a three-putt gets me home.
Gooch is on full pucker. The first putt, I get scared of, don’t give it nearly enough juice, and leave a sidehill 8-10 footer. Now, having made the mistake of being too conservative and cautious with the last putt, I go into this one with the mindset that I’m going to make it. I do not make it, and I slide it about 4 feet past the cup.
And then I missed that four footer. Left it right on the edge. I four-putted.
No! I walk back to the cart and add up my score, and guess what? I was wrong! I could double bogey the last hole and still shoot 79! And that’s exactly what happened!
I know!
Not at all. The tears of joy merely had to shift from the green to the parking lot. I could not possibly care less. I was overjoyed.
I’d have made a goddamn 7. I am certain of this. I have never been more certain of anything in my life.
Yeah. One thing you will never hear me do is ridicule a golfer for “choking”. Playing golf when your heart rate is up, the adrenaline is going, and the gooch is shriveled … that’s fucking hard. Greg Norman, Scott Hoch, Jean van de Velde, as far as I’m concerned, you are off the hook. I get it, fellas.
1) Fuck you, I don’t like your tone. And 2) No, it was at Reserve Run in Poland, OH, and it’s a great course. Challenging and in excellent condition. The fact that it’s a par 70, and not 72, does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm. We played the blue tees, and if you’re that curious, Reserve Run’s website has an aerial tour of each hole.
Yes. This round was contested under the MJD Golf Association for Horny Men, Rules Governing Play 2024 v1.0. These rules can be found below. And I’ll say this: Even the rules on that document that some may find questionable, I did very little of. This was a clean round of golf.
Short term: On the way home, I stopped at the Sheetz in Oakmont and got a hot dog. I believe this is also how JJ Spaun celebrated his victory.
Long term: Diddy-style Freak-Off. Details forthcoming.
I do. I played with the homie Jeff and the homie Andrew. They also both played great, and I think them both playing great helped me to play better. I was actually the high man in the group.
Yes. I have the ball, and the scorecard. I’m checking with the World Golf Hall of Fame to see how I can get them other items from my round, including clubs, towel, and divot tool. My socks will be sold on OnlyFans.
It’s a thing I do. Don’t worry about it. And listen, just for the record, I usually keep a neater scorecard, but this card was too glossy and the pencil sucked, and it was a little difficult to write.
Nothing. A little game I play with myself. If you’re really curious, you can ask me, as I’m sure that the # of people who will ever visit this website will be in the single digits. Then below that, I noted fairways in regulations, and greens in regulation. I’m guessing you figured that out.
In fact, there is! Follow this link.
Yes, it says that. I told you, that’s a thing I do. Leave me alone. And that’s me in the picture.
Not really. I did this myself. I am awesome.
But it feels like I should thank some people, so I’ll start with my dad, for introducing me to golf. My brother, for keeping golf as something that existed in my life, even in the years I wasn’t playing. The fine people at Franko’s Driving Range in Uniontown, PA, for feeding my habit. Chris, the golf pro who has given me lessons. The afore-mentioned Jeff and Andrew, for being excellent playing partners and just all-around good guys. Jim, for being my golf buddy and my bottom. And most of all the wife, because she understands more than anyone what this meant to me.
Well first, that’s a very natural reaction, and one that a great number of men and women are feeling at this very moment. I don’t think you should ever feel ashamed of your erotic desires, but I’m sorry, I have to let you down. I’m taken.
I’m gonna fucking live there.